Why Japanese Politeness Is Tricky (and Important)
Mastering Japanese politeness is often one of the biggest hurdles for learners. Unlike in many Western languages, where politeness is often conveyed through words like "please" and "thank you," Japanese has an entire grammatical system built around social hierarchy, in-group/out-group dynamics, and situational context. Getting it wrong isn't just a small slip-up; it can make you seem rude, arrogant, or childish, even if your intentions are good. This guide will walk you through the most common politeness mistakes foreigners make and how to avoid them.
Overusing Casual Speech
Many learners are first introduced to Japanese through anime, manga, or casual interactions with friends. This often means they learn casual forms (ため口, tameguchi) first. The problem arises when they use this friendly, informal speech in situations that demand more respect.
Tip: When in doubt, it's safer to be too polite than too casual. People will gently correct you if you're overly formal, but they might be offended if you're too familiar.
ありがとう。 Arigatō. Thanks. (Casual)
ありがとうございます。 Arigatō gozaimasu. Thank you very much. (Polite)
Using the first version with a store clerk, a teacher, or someone you've just met can come across as blunt or lazy. The polite 〜ます (-masu) and 〜です (-desu) forms are your default for public and professional interactions.
Dropping Honorifics (-san, -sensei)
In Japanese, it's generally rude to call someone by their last name alone. Honorific suffixes are crucial for showing respect.
- -san (〜さん): The standard, all-purpose honorific. Use it with the last name (e.g., 田中さん, Tanaka-san) for acquaintances, colleagues, and customers. It's safer than using no honorific at all.
- -sensei (〜先生): For teachers, doctors, lawyers, and other professionals.
Warning: Never use -san when referring to yourself. This is a very common and noticeable mistake that sounds silly to native speakers.
Incorrect Attempts at Keigo (Honorific Language)
Keigo is the highest level of polite Japanese, divided mainly into sonkeigo (respectful language, elevating the other person) and kenjōgo (humble language, lowering yourself). Mistakes here are common because the grammar can be complex.
Mixing Up Respectful and Humble Forms
A classic error is using a humble verb when you should use a respectful one, or vice versa. The key is perspective: whose action is it?
| Action | Normal/Polite | Respectful (Sonkeigo) | Humble (Kenjōgo) |
|---|---|---|---|
| To do | します (shimasu) | なさいます (nasaimasu) | いたします (itashimasu) |
| To go / come | 行きます / 来ます (ikimasu / kimasu) | いらっしゃいます (irasshaimasu) | 参ります (mairimasu) |
Mistake: 社長が参りました。 Shachō ga mairimashita. (Incorrectly using humble "mairu" for the president's action)
Correct: 社長がいらっしゃいました。 Shachō ga irasshaimashita. The president has arrived. (Respectful)
Correct (if you are going): 私が参ります。 Watashi ga mairimasu. I will go. (Humble)
When Is Formality Expected?
Understanding the context that requires formal language is just as important as knowing the grammar.
- Workplaces: Always use polite language (です・ます) with colleagues, and keigo with clients and superiors.
- Stores and Restaurants: Staff will use keigo with you. You are generally expected to use polite language (です・ます) in return. Casual speech here can seem demanding.
- With Strangers and Elders: Default to polite language. Even asking for directions requires a polite tone.
- Formal Occasions: Ceremonies, speeches, and official events demand the highest level of politeness.
At a store: これをください。 Kore o kudasai. I'll take this, please. (Polite and appropriate)
Too casual: これちょうだい。 Kore chōdai. Gimme this. (Sounds like a child talking)
Addressing People Correctly
How you refer to others is a direct reflection of your respect for them.
Warning: Using お前 (omae) or てめえ (temē) (very rude versions of "you") is a severe mistake. They are highly confrontational and should be avoided entirely by learners.
Instead of using "you" (あなた, anata), which can sometimes sound distant or even rude from a subordinate to a superior, it's often more natural to use the person's name with an honorific.
Awkward: あなたの意見は？ Anata no iken wa? What is your opinion?
Natural: 田中さんの意見は？ Tanaka-san no iken wa? What is Tanaka-san's opinion?
Email and Business Etiquette Mistakes
Written communication, especially in a business context, has its own strict set of rules.
The Opening and Closing
Japanese business emails have a formal structure. A common mistake is jumping straight into the message.
- Subject Line: Should be clear and descriptive.
- Opening: Start with a seasonal greeting and a polite opening phrase.
拝啓 春暖の候、ますますご清栄のこととお慶び申し上げます。 Haikei. Shundan no kō, masumasu go-seiei no koto to o-yorokobi mōshiagemasu. "Dear Sir/Madam, In this season of warm spring, I hope you are doing well."
- Closing: End with a formal closing phrase and your name.
よろしくお願い申し上げます。 敬具 Yoroshiku onegai mōshiagemasu. Keigu "Thank you for your consideration. Sincerely,"
Being Too Direct
Western emails often get straight to the point. Japanese business communication values building rapport and often uses softer, more indirect language. A direct demand can sound like an order.
Too direct: レポートを明日までに送ってください。 Repōto o ashita made ni okutte kudasai. Please send the report by tomorrow.
More polite: お忙しいところ恐れ入りますが、レポートを明日までにお送りいただけませんでしょうか。 O-isogashii tokoro osoreirimasu ga, repōto o ashita made ni o-okuri itadakemasen deshō ka. "I apologize for bothering you while you are busy, but would it be possible for you to send the report by tomorrow?"
Practice
Try to correct these common mistakes by rewriting the sentences in a more appropriate polite or formal style.
- To your boss: "Hey, did you see that email?" (Casual)
- To a client on the phone: "I'm coming to your office now." (Needs humble language)
- In a business email subject line: "Meeting" (Too vague)
Suggested Answers:
1. 課長、そのメールをご覧になりましたか。 (Kachō, sono mēru o go-ran ni narimashita ka?)
2. 只今、御社に参ります。 (Tadaima, on-sha ni mairimasu.)
3. 【会議の件】 or 【打ち合わせのご案内】 ([Kaigi no ken] or [Uchiawase no go-annai])
Key Takeaways
- Default to Polite Speech: Use です・ます forms with anyone you don't know well.
- Master the Honorifics: Always use -san unless you are very close. Never use it for yourself.
- Understand Keigo Basics: Remember that respectful language (尊敬語) elevates the other person's actions, while humble language (謙譲語) lowers your own.
- Read the Room: Formality is expected in workplaces, with strangers, and in customer service interactions.
- Use Names, Not "You": Addressing someone by their name and title is safer and more natural than using あなた.
- Polish Your Written Communication: Business emails require formal greetings, indirect language, and specific closings.
Making politeness mistakes is a natural part of learning. Japanese people are generally understanding of foreigners' efforts. The goal is not perfection but showing a sincere attempt to respect the culture. Pay attention to how native speakers communicate, and don't be afraid to ask for clarification!